Because "Let's Catch Up" Should Mean Something
What it really means to connect in a world that often mistakes connectivity for connection
“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.”
— Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A few weeks ago, I had the profound pleasure of rekindling a friendship that had lain dormant for over two decades. A dear friend from my high school boarding days, someone with whom I shared countless memories and experiences with until our life’s paths diverge in 2003, when we both headed off to different universities — without personal phones, nor Facebook accounts.
We managed to get Facebook-connect in 2014, but in our whirlwind schedules of life, “Let’s catch up soon” became a throwaway line — a promise often made but seldom kept. It’s a poignant truth that many such connections do not unravel through conflict nor dramatic fallout, but through a gradual, almost imperceptible retreat of mutual effort and prioritisation.
When did we start settling for this?
The irony is palpable. In an age where technology has ostensibly brought us closer, our interactions have grown increasingly shallow. Our inboxes overflow with unread messages, our social feeds are a blur of curated highlights, and our conversations are often punctuated by the ping of incoming distractions. The simple, profound joy of genuine human connection does not seem so simple anymore.
Since Neeti and I relocated back to Thailand in early 2020, our quest for genuine connections has been met with an unsettling quietude, where the art of deep conversation has been overshadowed by the superficial banter of daily pleasantries and pop culture references. Our attempts to delve into the realms of emotion and life’s inherent struggles are often met with resistance, as if our desire for depth in discourse is an unwelcome burden rather than a bridge to understanding.
Within the confines of family gatherings, we navigate a conversational tightrope, where subjects must be light enough not to disturb the placid surface of social conformity. Expressing anything that resembles a critique or a deeper introspection is quickly branded as weakness or overthinking, a deviation from the collective of shallow contentment.
When I voiced my concerns about the eroding authenticity in our societal exchanges, my father’s retort, “but this is OUR society”, felt like a dismissal, a signal that the status quo is unassailable.
Neeti and I have become increasingly disillusioned by the pervasive normalisation of surface-level engagements and the unchecked capitulation to consumerism, which seems to dictate identities and priorities. In this milieu, where personal worth is often gauged by professional achievement and material acquisitions, intimate and thoughtful interactions are casualties, replaced by relentless parade of one-upmanship and exhibitionism.
Our longing for meaningful connections remains unfulfilled, leaving us adrift in a sea of disconnectedness, constantly yearning for the kind of conversations that nourish the soul and challenge the mind, amidst society seemingly content with the shallow end of human experience.
A Breath of Fresh Air
Yet, when my friend and I reconnected just a few weeks ago, it was as if no time has passed. During my three-night stay at her home in Epsom, my friend and her partner were the most wonderful hosts. Alongside my partner, Neeti, the four of us shared stories, laughter and tears, revelling in the joy of each other’s company. It was a testament to the depth of our bond that we could dive right back into our friendship, exploring our joys and struggles with openness and empathy — as well as mutual respect and understanding, a willingness to be vulnerable, and a capacity to empathise with each other’s experiences.
Within the first few hours of meeting each other, we evolved from surface-level interactions to a profound exploration of our journeys, struggles and triumphs. We all listened — truly listened — to each individual stories with empathy and without the intent to reply but to understand. Many of our moments called for vulnerability, an openness to share our true selves, and the courage to embrace the messiness that comes with it. These moments demanded our presence, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally, to be fully engaged with the friends before us.
Imagine where “Let’s catch up soon” is an invitation to engage on a deeper level. Where it signifies the anticipation of a heart-to-heart conversation, the kind that meanders and unfolds organically, revealing dreams, doubts, and delights. Where it’s about quality time, not just filling time, and where each interaction enriches us, leaving us more connected, more grounded, and more human.
Why the reconnection felt so effortless?
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” — C.S. Lewis
C.S. Lewis’s quote has perfectly captured the theme of this recent reconnection. The four of us have shared an experience, a thought, a feeling, and an interest that we had believed was unique to ourselves. The shared revelation created an instant bond, a sense of camaraderie and understanding that is rare and precious. The immediate comfort with each other was largely due to the genuine and curious interest in the people we had become over our years apart.
This moment of recognition — of finding someone who ‘gets it’, who understands a part of us we thought was solitary — is a powerful catalyst for a deep and enduring friendship. Suddenly, Neeti and I are no longer alone in our experiences; we have found kindred spirits.
Genuine friendships often emerge not from strategic acquaintance nor proximity, but from those unexpected moments of shared insight or emotion. These are the friendships that tend to last, as they’re built on a foundation of mutual understanding and authenticity. They provide a space where we can be our true selves, secure in the knowledge that we are understood and accepted. This reunion in 2024 allowed us to see how much we value and need this kind of relationship in our lives. It was a reminder of the importance of having friends who truly know and appreciate us, with whom we can share not just past memories, but also present realities and future hopes.
Because in the end, connection is what gives meaning to our lives. It’s the shared experiences, the understanding, and the unconditional support that sustain us. So, the next time we say, “Let’s catch up soon,” let’s ensure it’s an overture to genuine interaction, a bridge to deeper connection, and a testament to the enduring power of human relationships.
I dedicate this piece to both of my friends — one whom I’ve known for more than half of my life, and one whom I’ve recently come to know, yet feels just as familiar. Her kindness, warmth and constant curiosity, evident throughout our shared stories, created an immediate sense of kinship. It’s a rare and beautiful occurrence when life introduces us to such individuals, echoing the shared histories and intimacies we’ve revealed about our significant others.
I think the below quote will resonate with you both. It seems to answer some of the ‘whys’ that popped into my head sometimes.
“Most people would rather die than think — and that is what they do.” — Bertrand Russell
Postcard from Virginia Water Lake, UK
I wish so much more people would allow themselves to be authentic and vulnerable, allowing for true connections.
So true!! I know, some people think that to make a friendship you need to put in the work, and have at leave 140 hours of contact. This might be true for some adult friendships, but when something just clicks and you do share those feelings, then it's a whole different story. I think you're lucky to have friends like that. Especially those that don't require constant 'maintenance' and when you do meet it's like no time has passed!