The two values are I value most in people are intellectual honesty and empathy.
I'm far from perfect myself, but I try. The Denial quiz was a bit painful, and (perhaps to protect my cognitive dissonance), I feel, not entirely fair.
Last year I was in the throes of a severe depression, from which I have yet to fully recover. I feel such a state influences the score of the denial quiz heavily:
1. Telling people the truth about that is not rewarded in my society, so sometimes I would lie, so I can't score 0 points on the first question. I wouldn't call that denial; I was excruciatingly painfully aware that everything was not good. I just couldn't be honest about it with everyone.
3. If you live -- let's just say perfectly -- then things going wrong are, in fact, beyond your control. There's some in-built assumptions behind the question, but I'm probably being too literal here.
6. Being severely depressed is like having a broken back and splitting migraine. Everything is too much to deal with, but it's not the person's fault.
7. Again -- and maybe I'm being pedantic here -- but if you're, for example, autistic, then you can absolutely brush off most of the feedback you get about how you behave, because it's typically from people who don't really understand what autism is. My daughter is autistic; she literally has a "handicap" regarding certain things, like reading social cues in group settings. Masking is painful and difficult, and getting (ignorant) "feedback" on one's antisocial behaviour is rather unfair. (To fix the question, add some clarifying adjectives to "feedback").
8. Yes, but suffering from severe depression there's nothing you can do about it. As I wrote in my post Part 2 of 5: Depression, "I desperately needed sleep, exercise, healthy food, and socialising. That much was clear. But every depressed person knows that. The problem is doing it. Neurons responsible for triggering healthy behaviours tend to hibernate during bad depressions. Eventually, just getting up off the floor gets difficult. Especially shower floors."
I think a lot of people deserve some slack for failign, as we all invariably do. The important things is that they're trying. (Humility stems from intellectual honesty).
Anyway, didn't really mean to nitpick your superb post, which I overall couldn't agree with more. Perhaps my critique of the quiz is just me exhibiting exactly what you're writing about: Denial. In that case, it just goes to prove a point, huh? :)
Jan, I never mind you nitpicking at all. I really appreciate your honest take on it as I know the quiz is far from perfect! When I initially created it, I was trying to get at the people who are still in the "pre-tragic" phase who may be suppressing what they feel for the effort of blending in with others, or fear of being labelled as "a victim". But depression changes everything.
When you are barely holding it together, you are already feeling a lot of things on the inside. That was what I felt when I discovered myself being in the "tragic" phase too. Not so much on the fact that the world is full of cruel things, but on the fact that most people around me couldn't accept (or want to hear) what I was going through. That broke me.
So being on Substack has been really therapeutic for me. I still get to tell my stories and even better, I have finally found others who can connect with me on the much more 'raw' side of me, and I love it! The fact that you're questioning it, I think it proves that you're way ahead in your journey more than you give yourself credit for.
Oh, beautiful. Thank you for sharing this and for all the time you spent working on it. The denial scale/quiz will be very helpful in my life. I'm looking forward to reading more of what you've shared. :)
Thanks so much, Ciara. Writing this piece was really personal to me, so hearing that you found it useful makes the effort feel so worthwhile. Super appreciative of you being part of the conversation!
The two values are I value most in people are intellectual honesty and empathy.
I'm far from perfect myself, but I try. The Denial quiz was a bit painful, and (perhaps to protect my cognitive dissonance), I feel, not entirely fair.
Last year I was in the throes of a severe depression, from which I have yet to fully recover. I feel such a state influences the score of the denial quiz heavily:
1. Telling people the truth about that is not rewarded in my society, so sometimes I would lie, so I can't score 0 points on the first question. I wouldn't call that denial; I was excruciatingly painfully aware that everything was not good. I just couldn't be honest about it with everyone.
3. If you live -- let's just say perfectly -- then things going wrong are, in fact, beyond your control. There's some in-built assumptions behind the question, but I'm probably being too literal here.
6. Being severely depressed is like having a broken back and splitting migraine. Everything is too much to deal with, but it's not the person's fault.
7. Again -- and maybe I'm being pedantic here -- but if you're, for example, autistic, then you can absolutely brush off most of the feedback you get about how you behave, because it's typically from people who don't really understand what autism is. My daughter is autistic; she literally has a "handicap" regarding certain things, like reading social cues in group settings. Masking is painful and difficult, and getting (ignorant) "feedback" on one's antisocial behaviour is rather unfair. (To fix the question, add some clarifying adjectives to "feedback").
8. Yes, but suffering from severe depression there's nothing you can do about it. As I wrote in my post Part 2 of 5: Depression, "I desperately needed sleep, exercise, healthy food, and socialising. That much was clear. But every depressed person knows that. The problem is doing it. Neurons responsible for triggering healthy behaviours tend to hibernate during bad depressions. Eventually, just getting up off the floor gets difficult. Especially shower floors."
I think a lot of people deserve some slack for failign, as we all invariably do. The important things is that they're trying. (Humility stems from intellectual honesty).
Anyway, didn't really mean to nitpick your superb post, which I overall couldn't agree with more. Perhaps my critique of the quiz is just me exhibiting exactly what you're writing about: Denial. In that case, it just goes to prove a point, huh? :)
Jan, I never mind you nitpicking at all. I really appreciate your honest take on it as I know the quiz is far from perfect! When I initially created it, I was trying to get at the people who are still in the "pre-tragic" phase who may be suppressing what they feel for the effort of blending in with others, or fear of being labelled as "a victim". But depression changes everything.
When you are barely holding it together, you are already feeling a lot of things on the inside. That was what I felt when I discovered myself being in the "tragic" phase too. Not so much on the fact that the world is full of cruel things, but on the fact that most people around me couldn't accept (or want to hear) what I was going through. That broke me.
So being on Substack has been really therapeutic for me. I still get to tell my stories and even better, I have finally found others who can connect with me on the much more 'raw' side of me, and I love it! The fact that you're questioning it, I think it proves that you're way ahead in your journey more than you give yourself credit for.
Oh, beautiful. Thank you for sharing this and for all the time you spent working on it. The denial scale/quiz will be very helpful in my life. I'm looking forward to reading more of what you've shared. :)
Thanks so much, Ciara. Writing this piece was really personal to me, so hearing that you found it useful makes the effort feel so worthwhile. Super appreciative of you being part of the conversation!