I felt especially seen in the part about performing goodness, obedience, even happiness, as a way to earn love. That line about your parents only knowing the version of you curated to win their affection, that hit hard. So many of us learn to wear the persona so well we forget we ever had a choice. And peeling it off later? It’s terrifying, but ultimately life-saving.
Absolutely! I can vouch for the terrifying part. It’s essentially about dealing with all the negative emotions that bubble up. It’s telling yourself that it’s ok to have these feelings and to sit with them… uncomfortably. Over time, the discomfort will transform to something more beautiful, like a feeling of acceptance. It’s an extremely liberating feeling. I’ve cried many times thinking about my younger years as well as mourning the loss of the perception I had for my parents. I don’t love them any less although my boundaries are more clear cut.
I’m glad to read that you’re on this life saving journey already!
This resonated so much with me. I feel 1st generation kids get hit with this especially hard. You’re faced with creating multiple personas (one for home and one outside) and they’re constantly clashing.
The beautiful thing is once you unwind all the personas, there’s such expansive space to just be. Like you said it’s true unfettered freedom, and that’s needed now more than ever.
I'm beginning to realise that this seems to be humanity's problem at the core of it all. I read your Substack piece and I couldn't agree with you more about the disconnection of ourselves which leads to the inability to connect with others. Truth be told, I only have a handful of friends now who feel they can be totally honest with their feelings when we have our catch ups. The rest are still so performative and to see through it, you start to realise how common it's becoming. Not a lot of us feel like we belong and we're chasing validation like there's no tomorrow.
Unfortunately, it's not limited to just the US. People from all corners of the world are expressing similar sentiment. But to end this comment on a positive note, I am grateful for platform like Substack connecting our thoughts. It makes me feel less alone here typing all this out in Bangkok!
We absolutely do need to see more genuine self expression that's rooted in love. The hate algorithms have been winning and triggering our animalistic rage for too long now. We all have to remember what's truly important to us and just.... do better!
I felt especially seen in the part about performing goodness, obedience, even happiness, as a way to earn love. That line about your parents only knowing the version of you curated to win their affection, that hit hard. So many of us learn to wear the persona so well we forget we ever had a choice. And peeling it off later? It’s terrifying, but ultimately life-saving.
Absolutely! I can vouch for the terrifying part. It’s essentially about dealing with all the negative emotions that bubble up. It’s telling yourself that it’s ok to have these feelings and to sit with them… uncomfortably. Over time, the discomfort will transform to something more beautiful, like a feeling of acceptance. It’s an extremely liberating feeling. I’ve cried many times thinking about my younger years as well as mourning the loss of the perception I had for my parents. I don’t love them any less although my boundaries are more clear cut.
I’m glad to read that you’re on this life saving journey already!
This resonated so much with me. I feel 1st generation kids get hit with this especially hard. You’re faced with creating multiple personas (one for home and one outside) and they’re constantly clashing.
The beautiful thing is once you unwind all the personas, there’s such expansive space to just be. Like you said it’s true unfettered freedom, and that’s needed now more than ever.
I'm beginning to realise that this seems to be humanity's problem at the core of it all. I read your Substack piece and I couldn't agree with you more about the disconnection of ourselves which leads to the inability to connect with others. Truth be told, I only have a handful of friends now who feel they can be totally honest with their feelings when we have our catch ups. The rest are still so performative and to see through it, you start to realise how common it's becoming. Not a lot of us feel like we belong and we're chasing validation like there's no tomorrow.
Unfortunately, it's not limited to just the US. People from all corners of the world are expressing similar sentiment. But to end this comment on a positive note, I am grateful for platform like Substack connecting our thoughts. It makes me feel less alone here typing all this out in Bangkok!
We absolutely do need to see more genuine self expression that's rooted in love. The hate algorithms have been winning and triggering our animalistic rage for too long now. We all have to remember what's truly important to us and just.... do better!