Why Are We Losing Trust?

When relearning trust becomes the most important skill for the 21st century

In my last piece, I touched on the metacrisis, our fears and the road to authoritarianism, and the growing cracks in our shared reality. But at the core, every aspect of the metacrisis boils down to one thing: trust.

• A crisis in meaning is a loss of trust in oneself. When we no longer trust our instincts or sense of purpose, we fall into existential despair. Doubting ourselves leads to indecision, fear and inability to act with conviction.

• The breakdown in sensemaking is a loss of trust in information. A world overflowing with misinformation breeds cynicism. When we don’t know what to believe, we either disengage entirely or become susceptible to manipulation.

• The erosion of human connection is a loss of trust in each other. Suspicion and competition replace collaboration. Relationships are viewed as transactional rather than meaningful, and we struggle to form genuine bonds.

It’s apparent that we are living in a low-trust era. And it is no wonder why a quote like, “In a society that profits from self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act” resonates so strongly. Trust is no longer the default, it has become a radical choice. Trusting oneself becomes a form of quiet defiance against a system designed to keep us insecure (Read: my piece on Byung-Chul Han's philosophy on the modern struggle between achieving more and connecting deeper).

The less we trust ourselves, the more we rely on external validation. The more uncertain we are about the truth, the more we retreat into ideological echo chambers. The lonelier we become, the more defensive and closed off we feel toward others.

The Evolving Game of Trust

Trust is one of the most fundamental forces shaping human relationships, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood. It’s often seen as a static quality, either you have it or you don’t. But in reality, trust is a practice, a process, and a function of time and interaction. Much like our health, trust has to be maintained, nurtured and periodically reevaluated.

An interactive experience that uses Game theory to explain the mistrust epidemic

To fully grasp the concept of trust, we need to recognise its complexity and how it plays out in human dynamics. Nicky Case’s interactive game, The Evolution of Trust, demonstrates how our environment influences our approach to trust. It highlights the essential truth: “What the game is, defines what the players do.” However, over time, as interactions compound, players ultimately redefine the game itself. Trust, therefore, is not just a reaction to circumstances, but also a reflection of who we become as individuals.

Will you cheat or will you cooperate?

“He who does not trust enough will not be trusted.”

— Lao Tzu

A great insight from this perspective is that trust is not only lost between people, but also within oneself. When people lose trust in themselves, when they second-guess their judgments and perceptions, they become disconnected from reality, which can lead to chronic doubt, fear, and sometimes even paranoia. So, rebuilding trust goes beyond repairing relationships with others. If we want to start trusting ourselves, we have to build back confidence in our own ability to make sense of the complexity of this world. There is no hack.

Why Trust is both Essential and Neglected

Despite trust being fundamental to human connection, I’ve often seen it treated as an afterthought. We tend to focus on control, guarantees, and risk mitigation rather than promoting authentic trust. This is because trust requires vulnerability. To trust is to expose oneself to the possibility of betrayal and disappointment. In an increasingly competitive and status-driven society, vulnerability is seen as a weakness rather than a strength (Read: my piece on “The Kindness Paradox” that explores the evolutionary and psychological barriers to compassion).

The influence of social media has, no doubt, intensified this issue. The unhealthy pressure to present a curated, flawless image of success fuels our insecurity. Hearing about someone else’s happiness can trigger feelings of inadequacy and comparison rather than joy and inspiration. Even our own achievements can feel empty when they are pursued for external validation rather than genuine fulfillment.

Philosophers and psychologists have long studied this paradox. Friedrich Nietzsche, a German philosopher, argued that the greatest suffering comes not from external oppression, but from self-betrayal, specifically, our failure to break free from imposed values to create one’s own meaning. I very much agree with how he saw conformity and passive acceptance as the death of the our spirit, and warned us that those who refuse to question inherited beliefs become trapped in a cycle of despair. Similarly, Erich Fromm, in The Art of Loving, argued that trust and love require the courage to be vulnerable, emphasising that love itself is an active process that demands trust, risk, and an openness to emotional uncertainty.

But as everyone reading now would understand, we have been conditioned to minimise risk in every area of life, from career moves to personal interactions, that has now led us to a culture where genuine trust is seen as a liability rather than a virtue. Our obsession with personal branding, social capital, and self-sufficiency feeds into this distrust. Instead of seeing relationships as spaces for “growing together” and understanding each other more, they are, instead, treated like negotiations, where we focus on what each party stands to gain, rather than by the depth of connection we can co-create.

All of this has essentially impacted how we experience intimacy, collaboration, as well as our perceived self-worth. When you live in an environment where trust is hard to build and sustain, the cycles of loneliness, fear and emotional isolation are reinforced further.

It’s Time We Rebuild Trust

I know it’s tempting to look outward for solutions. Of course, we want better leaders, more honest media, and stronger relationships in our lives. But the reality is that no external solution will matter if we don’t start with the most important foundation of all — trust in ourselves.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

— Benjamin Spock, revolutionised parenting by advocating trust in one’s instincts

Having the ability to trust oneself has everything to do with restoring the ability to rely on our own judgment, instincts, and inner compass. It’s about knowing that despite our past mistakes, conditioning, and doubts, we are capable of making decisions that align with our truth.

I think the easiest way to understand this concept better is by imagining your mind as a computer operating system. Your experiences, beliefs, and thought patterns function like a software. Over time, just like any software, your mental framework can become outdated, riddled with malware (harmful beliefs), cluttered with unnecessary files (old fears and conditioning), or even prone to crashes (self-doubt and indecision). Without ongoing upgrades, maintenance, and security checks, your mental software can slow you down, leaving you vulnerable to misinformation, self-sabotage, and other people’s manipulation tactics.

1. Recognise the bugs in your system — the first step is to identify the thought patterns that no longer benefit you. These patterns are often remnants of societal conditioning, past failures, or unresolved emotional conflicts. Ask yourself;

   1. What narrative about myself do I unconsciously believe? (“I’m not good enough”, “I always fail”, “I can’t trust my instincts.”)

   2. Where did these beliefs originate? Are they truly mine or were they imposed by external influences?

   3. Do these beliefs serve my growth or hold me back?

2. Deleting harmful code by letting go of limiting beliefs — unfortunately you can’t delete these beliefs by simply wishing them away, you have to overwrite them with new intentional narratives. This requires small but consistent actions that challenge old assumptions.

   1. If you believe you’re bad at making decisions, start making small choices with conviction, such as what to eat, what to wear, what book to read next. Every decision made with confidence helps rewire your system.

   2. If you fear failure, intentionally do things that push your comfort zone and remind yourself that failure is just more data to add to your rich experience. It’s not a measure of your worth.

   3. If self-doubt creeps in, counter it with proof. Document moments when your instincts were right, and revisit them as evidence that you can trust yourself, or not.

3. Running regular scans through practicing self-awareness — no system is completely immune to threats, and even after an upgrade, malware can creep back in. That’s why ongoing self-awareness is key to maintain self-trust. Think of it as running scans in your mind by asking;

   1. Am I making decisions from fear or from clarity?

   2. Am I second-guessing myself more often than usual? If so, what is triggering it?

   3. Have old doubts resurfaced, and if so, why now?

4. Upgrading your operating system through continuous learning and adaptation — no working software is ever the same forever. Things evolve so should your mind. Trusting yourself means recognising that you are allowed to change your perspective, update your beliefs, and grow.

The Only Takeaway that Matters

If there’s one truth to hold onto, it’s that trust must start with you.

You can’t fully trust the world until you trust your ability to navigate it. You can’t trust others if you don’t trust your own ability to discern who is worthy of your trust. You can’t expect certainty in life, but you can develop certainty in yourself.

Just like a well-maintained system, self-trust is built through consistent updates, mindful reflection, and a commitment to evolving. It doesn’t mean that you’ll never doubt again, it just means that when doubt comes, you’ll know how to recalibrate, reboot, and move forward.

So start small. Upgrade your “mind” software and everything else follows.

Related pieces:

1. The Illusion of (self) control — do we really have control of ourselves if we don’t understand who we are?

2. Are You Conscious or Are You Conditioned? — understand the inner dialogue of thought vs. habit

3. How Our Feelings Shape Our World — why understanding your own emotions is the path to understanding others

4. The Darker Side of Our Mind — exploring dark psychology to understand the whole of us

Updated:

13/02/25 — Changes in “Metacrisis Impact to Humanity” diagram, from ‘degradation of truth’ → ‘breakdown in sensemaking’